Garden91季刊 │玉溪有容教育基金會發行

 
疼痛是非理性的。痛苦使我走投無路，下不去也上不來。是上帝允許這些痛苦經歷我。或者，我懷疑，襲擊我的正是祂。是祂瓦解了我的免疫系統。使我身內的細胞彼此相噬。是祂扭傷了我的筋骨，賜予我寧以頭捶牆的疼痛。我黏糊的血肉彷彿被裝甲車輾過。我寧死未死且不允死。祂遺棄我，任由我一遍遍的舔舐自己的傷口。任憑我乾裂的嘴唇我的心發出苦毒的咒怨。啜泣，心碎的聲響，祂都充耳不聞。以至我深信自己被推落在光所不及的深淵。只是我尚未絕望，因為我聽見自己說，祂必定是瞎了聾了啞了。祂的愛是沒有兌現的承諾。祂又使我被人出賣。被包圍在尖酸刻薄的嘲諷與攻擊下。我累了，緘默，不再反擊，甚至厭惡禱告。我認出最後一個吐唾沫在我臉上的，不是別人，正是祂。祂仍未放過我。終於，我意識到自己只是糞堆裡蠕動的蟲蛆。我失去了言語。我的感覺也逐漸麻痺。懷疑自己是活著還是死了的。我靈裡發出最後的掙扎，主啊!你知道。在這一切的一切之後我死了。那虛空的虛空。我被人置放在墓穴之中，與渾身鞭傷、釘痕的那人同埋。又隔了一天。第三日清晨，我與祂同復活。
There is no rationality in pain. Pain pushed me to the corner, and left me nowhere to turn. But it was God who allowed the pain to overtake to me. Or, I even suspect, it was Him who attacked me. It was Him who wrecked my immune system and forced the cells in my body to devour one another. It was Him who twisted my joints and caused me such great pain that I rather bang my head against the walls. My body became a bloody smashed up carcass as if it were ran over by a tank. I rather die but death eluded me. God forsook me and left me alone to lick my own wounds. Through my dry cracked lips, I screamed out malicious curses. He pretended to not hear my cries or the sound of my heart breaking. I even started to believe that I was thwarted to the depth of an abyss where no light can shine. But I found myself not completely hopeless because I heard myself say, He must be deaf, blind, and dumb. His love was nothing more than empty promises.  He watched as I was betrayed by my friends and He stood idly when I was peppered with insults and abused. I was exhausted and I refused to speak.  No more retaliation, no more annoying prayers. I recognized the last wad of spit that landed on my face was from no others but Him. He wouldn’t let go of me. Finally, I realized I was just a maggot swarming in a heap of excrements. I lost my ability to speak and my ability to feel. I began to question whether I was dead or alive.  I unleashed my last cry of struggle from soul. Oh Lord! After all that, I died. I was placed in the same sepulcher with man whose body was whipped repeatedly and eventually nailed on the cross. One day passed. Then on the morning of the third day, I resurrected as He did.

 
聖子基督耶穌降世以「人子」自稱，他說「人子來不是要受人服事，乃要服事人，並且捨命作多人贖價」，這正是「道成肉身」的目的。
耶穌又藉此啟示世人，所有人子其實也都可以成為神子，因於上主的創造，因於基督捨己救贖的愛所帶來重生底盼望。故此我等也當效法基督背負十架，為服膺神的愛而生或死。
When Jesus Christ was on earth, he called himself the “Son of man”. He said, “even as the Son of man came not be ministered to, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” That is the real purpose why He came to receive a physical body. 

 
在耶穌「浪子的比喻」中，說到一位慷慨無私、滿心仁愛的父親，他有兩個兒子。大兒子表面乖順，向來不敢違逆父親，小兒子卻自命不凡，不甘受約束；以致父親尚且健在竟要求均分家業，好外出闖蕩⋯，浪子最終散盡家產，窮途潦倒到一個地步，甚至欲與所放牧的豬爭食亦不可得。他在絕境中猛然醒悟過來，明白自己的妄自尊大驕痴無忌，既得罪了天也得罪了父親。於是興起回家懇求父親接納，哪怕是做一個家僕的念頭⋯。殊不知在另外那頭，父親日日夜夜守在家門口，引頸盼望兒子的歸來⋯。耶穌以此隱喻天父上帝與這個如同浪子的世界的實相。
In the parable of prodigal son told by Christ, a generous selfless father has two sons. The older son is the obedient one while the younger son is so unruly that he demands his father to divide his inheritance among his two boys while the father is still alive. The younger brother squanders away all his money and becomes so destitute that he sleeps in a pigsty. One day, he realizes his arrogance and pride has offended his father and God. He returns home, begging for his father’s forgiveness and mercy. He asks for a job as a service. But what he doesn’t know that all along, his father has been waiting for his return. Christ used this parable to describe God’s relationship with the world as if it were a prodigal son.

 
主前七世紀，上帝的選民北國以色列，在亞述統治飽受亡國奴的痛苦和恥辱；接續面臨的卻是巴比倫兵臨城下。先知哈巴谷站在城樓上瞭望，向耶和華上帝呼訴哀情，卻在禱告的結尾得聖靈安慰，於是說：
雖然無花果樹不發旺，葡萄樹不結果，橄欖樹不效力，田地不出糧，圈中絕了牛羊，然而，我仍因我的神，我靈魂的拯救者而歡心。
—《聖經．哈巴谷書》3章17-18節

 
萬軍之耶和華，我的王我的神阿，在你祭壇那裡，麻雀為自己找著房屋，燕子為自己找著菢雛之窩。
靠你有力量心中嚮往錫安大道的，這人便為有福。
他們經過流淚谷，叫這谷變為泉源之地。並有秋雨之福，蓋滿了全谷。

 
雅各（猶太人的祖先，族長）攻於心計，曾經為了家族繼承權，而兩次設計謀奪長兄的名份。雅各的性格矛盾糾結，他一方面心存上帝，嚮往神的祝福；卻又不能抑制自私自利，不能擺脫自我中心，做一個順服天意的人。雅各後來得名以色列，意思是神與之或為之摔角，隱喻雅各與其後代，在自我與天命中擺盪、掙扎不休的性格與命運。
Jacob, (the Father of the 12 tribes of Israel) was once a shrewd and deceitful man who tricked his brother Esau into surrendering his birth right. He was a man of internal conflicts. He wanted to be blessed by God, yet he couldn’t control his self-centric personality and put away his selfish desires to be a man of God. Later, Jacob was renamed Israel, which means “he who struggles with God” to imply that the descendants of Israel will be destined to a life of constant wrestling between their God given traits and their selfish urges.

 
日昨，讀法國天主教神父德日進（1881-1955，他同時是一名古生物學家，巴黎科學院院士。神哲學家。）靈修小書《神境》。同感一靈而心相印。茲摘錄一段：
…我提了盞燈，離開表層顯見的日常瑣事與關係領域，下到我裡面的最深處，到我朦朧地感覺那發出行動能力的深谷裡。然而，隨著我逐漸遠離了那些照現生活表層的常規事理，我意識到，我抓不著自己。每下一階，總發現我身內另有一人，我不能說得出他是誰，他也不再服從我。我不得不停止探索，因為沒有了路，腳下是一個無底深淵，從那裡湧出不知從何而來、我敢完全確定稱之為生命之潮。有哪門科學能向人們揭示，構成他生命的意願與愛的意識，其動力從何而來？什麼性質？以怎樣的方式運轉？…《聖經》上說，誰能夠靠思慮使自己的身高增加一寸呢？最終，最底層的生命，最基本的生命，最初始的生命，完全超出我們的認知能力。…我接受自己，遠超過造就自己。…繼意識到自己身內另有一人，且是一高於自我的之後，又有第二件事使我頭暈目眩。那就是我存在著，在一個被做成了的世界裡，這體現了極度的不可能性，和難以置信性。…我感覺到游離在我身上的原子，淹沒在宇宙中那根本的憂傷。這憂傷使人類的意志在為數龐大的生命體與星體的重壓下日漸消沉。若說還有什麼拯救了我，那就是我得以聽聞神授以得勝確證的耶穌的福音，從黑夜的最深處召喚我說：「是我，別怕。」…
德日進見證了那在我身內與身外的聖靈，與耶穌基督福音的合一性。見證了人的近乎無知，嬴弱，與信、望、愛之所繫。

 
因約瑟是他年老生的，雅各愛約瑟過於愛他的眾子，他獨厚約瑟，給他做了件體面的彩衣。這或者令本來恃寵而驕的約瑟愈發自戀，自命不凡。終於，約瑟同父異母的兄長們，因心生忌恨，伺機把約瑟賣了，教他淪落埃及為奴，開啟坎坷的命運。
約瑟從雙親的嬌兒一夕為奴，但這危難卻也成就扭轉性格與命運；開啟他信仰的轉捩點。若干年後，生性聰慧，力爭上游的約瑟，深得主子（埃及法老的侍衛長）的賞識與信任，取得管家的位份。他未曾辜負所託，更善於經營，致令主子的家業蒸蒸日上。但不幸約瑟外貌俊挺引起主母垂涎，他拒絕誘惑，不肯就範，致使不能得逞的主母惱羞成怒，反誣告他性侵。或許主子並未盡信妻子所言，約瑟雖然因此入獄，卻逃過一死。再次落難的約瑟未曾自暴自棄，即便在獄中，他也贏得牢友和獄卒一致的敬重，並最終在被關押了數年之後，得契機以天賦解夢的能力，為埃及法老解夢，並且就夢裡所預示的危難提出有效的建言。或者當年埃及王室政治詭譎，法老身邊沒有可信任的人，約瑟竟然被提拔，攀升宰相大位。之後，體察天意的約瑟，輔佐法老使埃及安然度過夢境果然成真的七年災荒，並且拯救了自己同樣因災荒陷於絕境的家族。約瑟對天意與命運的感念，使他得智慧，足以化解當年與兄長的恩仇。約瑟的一生教我們看見人蛻變可能性。
Joseph was born when his father, Jacob, was already in his old age. Jacob favored him and gave him a coat of many colors as gift which inflated Joseph’s already enlarged ego. This favoritism sparked intense envy by his brothers whom later sold him to slavery in Egypt. Overnight, the cherished son of Jacob became a slave. However, the crisis proved to be a crucial turning point in his life and his relationship with God. After a few years as a slave, his intelligence and wit won the affection and trust of Potiphar, the captain of Pharaoh’s guard. While serving as Potiphar’s servant, Joseph was soon promoted to oversee the entire household as superintendent. After some time, Potiphar’s wife began to lust after Joseph and when he rejected her, she accused him of attempted rape. The charges landed him in prison. However, he quickly garnered the respect of his fellow prisoners. After being imprisoned for several years, Joseph one day was called to interpret a dream for the Pharaoh. It was a dream that no wise men was able to interpret. Joseph said the dreams foretold seven years of abundance would followed by seven years of famine and advised the Pharaoh to store a surplus grain during his years of abundance. When his interpretation of the dream was proven to be correct, the Pharaoh promoted him to become the Vizier of Egypt. He not only saved himself, but he also saved his family from the brim of starvation. Joseph’s dedication to his life’s calling, helped him gain enough wisdom to even resolve the animosity with his brothers.

 
《聖經箴言》31:10 ：「才德的婦人誰能得著呢？她的價值遠勝珍珠。」
我所認識的劉敏姊妹，正是這樣一顆遠勝過珍珠的珍珠。她因為讀了余杰（中國作家、公共知識份子、政治異議人士）的一本書，欽慕他在文字中所顯現的道德勇氣高貴靈魂，而主動與之通信，而生發愛情，並在兩人第一次見面，就答應余杰的求婚，決定嫁給了他。在之後婚姻的日子裡，即使面臨許多想像不到的艱難困苦，來自政府的壓迫；劉敏仍然以她的良善、對理想的忠誠，以及因著對愛與真理的信仰，勇敢去面對，去承受。
Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”

 
法利賽人或稱法利賽派，是猶太社群中為信仰戮力潔身自愛，與世俗保持距離者。他們自視為解釋先知與摩西律法的權威，卻因自以為義的驕傲，和固守律法形式條文，漠視他人的困乏；反倒扭曲遮蔽了摩西律法根基於愛神與愛人的精神。為此耶穌不循情面的揭發其偽善，並提醒世人謹防法利賽人的酵（影響）；即謹防那些聲稱追尋掌握真理，實則高估自己而扭曲真理，導人誤入歧途的宗教哲學。
Pharisees was a major religious society of Judaism. They were known as chasidim, which means loyal to God—extremely ironic in view of the fact that by His name, they became the most vocal enemy of Jesus Christ and His messages. They were puffed up with pride and adhered only to the letter of the law while completely misconstrue the basic tenets of the Law of Moses which is to love each other as you love God. To this Christ had harsh words about the Pharisees and warned against anyone to proclaim to be a believer of truth yet twist the truth for one’s own haughty desires.